I just watched “The World Most Funniest Animals” on TV. This was presented by “The Worlds Most Boring Man”. This was not because he is a genuinely uninteresting man. In fact, I am sure if you got him drunk and told him to run about a forest shouting “I am the man from the undergrowth! Come feel my fig leaf!”, I am fairly sure he would be game for a laugh. But what let him down on this show?
The script.
Who the hell writes the script? In fact, do they actually “write” the script, or do they just sneeze on a piece of paper and go with it? And why the canned laughter? Oh yes…because it is as funny as having your toenails pulled out by a beaver who is less than impressed that you just sat your big arse on his dam and broke it, in effect breaking his dreams, and destroying his home. So armed with a pair of tweezers, Rambo McBeaverDude comes along and does you some damage. Just like how my ears felt from listening to the “script”.
Actually, I am pretty sure the script was indeed was a sneeze, as after watching the show, I think I started getting a head cold.
Talking of “canned laughter”, what is the idea? You get a load of people to sit in a room fake laughing, and then they record it and put it as a backdrop to some of the most dire TV imaginable to mankind? But why do they make sure they get someone who sounds like a hyena with diarrhea standing in a long queue for the toilet to get WAY too overexcited?
Perhaps the people that do the canned laughter also create the adverts for “chat lines”. If you want to chat to a single girl, text ***** (Ya know, I didn’t really take note of the number, so I wont be putting them on here). While saying this, they show a young girl. Then they say “If you want to talk to a divorced girl, text *****. Except now they show a woman who is about 50.
Now. I have been married once before being with my current (and perfect) wife. OK, so being with my ex wife was as much fun as beating myself over the head for 2 years with a distressed carrot, but at the end of it I just didn’t look 50. But then, I am also not female, and in an advert which I guess is why I got turned down for the part. No matter how hard I tried to look like a not too haggard 50 year old female divorcee, I just couldn’t pull off the look. “You are 33 years old and have a penis!” they said astounded that I went for the part. I tried to use the “equal opportunities” act on them, but to no avail.
Apparently I am more suited for the “Here is what I looked like AFTER I went on the Krispy Kreme Donut diet” adverts.
wheelturninghamsterdead.com 