I considered breaking the WheelTurningHamsterDead.com mould and writing a serious post tonight. Just to be different. To be a little contraversial. To be a little sexier than normal. If that is possible…
Things didn’t quite go to plan. They didn’t for 2 reasons. 1 is that me and writing serious stuff is somewhat harder than you may think, and the other is that Animal House is on the TV. The last post I wrote while watching this film also turned out to be a little “out there”.
What were you expecting? Shakesphere? Pah.. Aaaaaanyway…on with the post:
A man in Germany walked in to a shop and walked out with a 24 inch TV without anyone noticing. Nothing exciting about that, after all people steal stuff every day from shops.
Except that he had no arms. Yes, a man with no arms took a TV from a display stand and walked out of the shop with it.
Of course, the article also says that he had two accomplices. Maybe his “accomplices” were 2 arms? I don’t know. Either way, I just don’t really care because I can top that any day of the week.
I once (for a bet…I do not condone stealing, and although I forgot to take the items back, do not consider myself a thief) walked in to a shop and put a 24 pack of crisps, a 12 pack of coke and a copy of the Angling Times in my underwear.
Now, I know at the moment that you are thinking “Why does he have so much space in his trousers to fit that kind of material in there?”. Well…when I was being created, I was in line for the “How big a penis do you want” queue, but thought I was in the queue for “How many vegetables do you want to eat in your lifetime” queue. So when I got to the front of the queue they said “So how much do you want!” and I replied “Nothing. Nada. Nout. Don’t even ask me twice. Do the deed now and let me get out of here, and if I ever come back begging for you to change what I requested, you can damn me to all eternity”.
Boy was I pissed when I walked out and realised I went to the wrong queue. Obviously it was better to not go back and damn myself to all eternity, so instead I make a use of the blank space that I inherited for my dastardly deeds of world domination and of hiding all of the christmas presents I buy for my wife so she cannot find them before Christmas. I mean, that is the last place she will be looking for a present!
But that is life isn’t it. Sometimes you just cant change things for the better no matter how much you try to. I took the “plant” route to try and put things right. I talked to him every single day for a year. I stuck him in horse crap as that helps plants grow and you know what…nothing. Well, when I say nothing, I mean I got one hell of a rash and now enjoy running around fields and jumping over things, but that is it.
The world is one messed up place. I guess I should be thankful that when I was in line for brains, I asked for big and squishy, just like when I was asked what kind of body I wanted.
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