Well it isn’t because of the clean always breathable air. Nor the always friendly government.
China is like the very centre of the Bermuda Triangle. Except that it is nowhere near Bermuda, and is not even mildly triangle shaped. But apart from that, pretty much spot on. Strange things happen there with the people and animals. They seem to just be a little “different”. And I don’t mean “Got 2 heads and smell of guacamole” different.
A few examples:
A Chinese man’s wife was in a coma. Now he tried the usual things that would bring someone out of a coma such as medicine, telling her he left the toilet seat up and saying he had taken a loan out for a lifetime subscription of “Rubber Duck Monthly – The magazine dedicated to the little yellow guy you just can’t have a bath without”. None of them worked. So what did he do? He nibbled her toes. She woke up! OK, so she can’t talk yet, but then I think he has refrained from nibbling the other foot because when she gets her voice back, she is going to say “STOP BITING MY FOOT YOU PERVY GIT!”. Original store HERE.
Another Chinese man got to his car to find out that his car battery was flat. But because he was carrying lots of shopping and had a copy of Rubber Duck Monthly under his arm, he couldn’t push the car to the garage. So he did what any ordinary guy would do. He pinned leads to his eyelids and pulled the car. The bonus of this is that he didn’t have to spend valuable time blinking which meant he could read the article on “Super Bathtime Ideas With Gertrude The Little Yellow Duck” in his magazine. He had a few other things he did, but you can read it all HERE. Of course, if reading “stopping electric fans with his tongue” is something that bothers you, do not eat while you read the story.
But it is not just the men. You cannot separate the men from the boys in China like other countries. In England, we have kids who eat ice cream and go crazy at the ice cream headache. But in China, you get shot through the eye with an arrow. And live. The arrow only stopped when it hit the back of his skull. OK, so why didn’t the FRONT of his skull stop it. But hey, that is not for me to say. He survived for one reason. It missed his brain. I guess when you stand in front of an arrow, you could be accused of having a smaller than average brain. But the best part of the story? “His parents have been warned he still faces a risk of infection”. Yes. Infection. The biggest worry just after an arrow goes through your head and almost kills you. I suggest going HERE just for the X-Ray image alone!
I am fairly sure that Jeebus is in China too. He has obviously turned water in to alcohol there. This is because a man took his kids to a restaurant and they gave them alcohol instead of water. But naturally, this was an upmarket restaurant, so they offered a handsome apology of a discount and a free cabbage. Huh? A free cabbage? OK, so I am not the most travelled human in existence, but if someone offered me a free cabbage, I would offer them a free punch in the chops. But if you want confirmation that I am not making it up, HERE it is.
Now this next one…well…yeah. The weird disease that I was once married to once told me that US men wear their heart on their sleeves whereas us Englishmen are just plain sexy. How about just having your heart on the outside of your chest? Really. I think the strangest part of this story is how they block out his eyes to hide his identity. Ummm…his heart is on the outside of his chest. I am mildly confident that people might recognise him by the way..well…HIS HEART IS ON THE OUTSIDE OF HIS CHEST!
And finally lets talk animals.
Two dogs and a cat have joined swimming clubs. The dogs even have their own shower cubicle. Well DUH! How many people want to have a shower when some wet mutt is either shaking his coat and spraying you in river dirt, or every time you bend over for the soap, he…well…tries to violate you. Or at least while washing your hair, he buries his snout in your joy department and has a good old sniff. And if you haven’t washed that bit yet, you might be a little self conscious. You can read about the Cats and Dogs HERE and HERE. What next…a 4 legged chicken when you crack an egg?
So there you have it. I had another 16 possible entries I could have written about, but at some point you have to stop the post and start watching TV. Either way, I am thinking of moving to China.
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