Well. Thank christ that is over. I hate Christmas. I mean really…think about what I have to go through. All the meaningless crap. The worthless TV. All the hard work. For me, this is:
I get up early and go and get my daughter from her cot. My wife made us all a breakfast so tasty that I cried a little when I finished it, and I watched my daughters face as she saw all the presents. I got gifts which are of use to me because my wife is pretty damn great. My wife loved the presents I got her because I paid her and begged her to like them. Then I cooked a meal of all the things I enjoy eating, drank a few beers, wine and whisky and go to bed after enjoying my fill and my daughter sleeps all through the night.
Bloody hell I love Christmas. But what about the rest of the year? Well, it’s been…interesting. 365 days of stuff. And by stuff, I mean interesting. To me. To you…do you really care? Lets find out.
I followed my new years resolutions to perfection. Kind of. OK, so the one about finding a reality TV show that doesn’t make me want to hurt myself in ways that you normally only see on those “adult” films where you say
Oh god no. Not that. In there. NOOOO! That is for frying eggs with. I can’t stop looking…make it stop. If not for me, for her. Or him. Why is she standing on that? DON’T STAMP! Oh, I just threw up a little in my mouth.
But then, setting myself an impossible task like finding an acceptable reality TV show was really never going to end well for me was it.
But my other resolutions have gone well. I did the customary one about 3/4 of the world do. The whole “get fit and lose weight” thing. I did well. Between January and August, I managed to pile on loads of weight and the only exercise I did was giving a hearty laugh to anyone who said “Why not get on an exercise bike you fat lazy worthless idiot?” OK, so it was only ever my wife or Mum that would say that. Everyone else would say “Wow…you are looking….well??” and then they would turn to their other half and mention something about hiding the food and the dog. I usually followed with the words “Hey, pass me that beer. And that chocolate. Aaand the playboy mag. And the loo roll. Right. I will be back in about 4 minutes!”.
You would think with all the reading exercise that I would have burnt off the calories from the beer and chocolate. But it seems you need to work out for more than 1 minute 17 seconds in order to make a difference.
It all kind of went to pot on the 11th August. Someone jokingly said I should do a 10K race for Cancer Research…and for some inexplicable reason, I agreed. What an arse. I gave up beer. I gave up good food. I almost gave up living. But the up side? Screw you Mr and Mrs New Years Resolutions! I knocked that one right out of the park. I am now fit(ter) and thin(ner).
This has caused some side effect resolutions which I never EVER thought were attainable to somehow come true too. These are:
1) Holy crap I am good in bed now. Yes. Really. My wife confirmed this when just a few weeks back she said “No honestly sweetie…I almost woke up that time! Keep trying!”. Hey, “almost” is as good as “did” for me.
What? I need more than 1? Look…did you see what I wrote? She almost woke up when I was laying down my best moves. AND she told me to keep trying. An offer of more good loving?! I don’t think I need to write any other side effects.
Then there are the weird things that happened this year. I must be getting old. I found a new love for the old cheesy rock music. Journey’s Don’t Stop Belieivin is an example. It’s cheese. Actually, it is past cheese. By the time people worked out how full of cheese it is, we had all moved on to the cognac, cigars and moved to another room to watch the late movie on TV.
But why look behind when you can look ahead? So I have created the New Years Resolution for 2010. It is pretty simple. It is to make to the other end alive. Actually, to make it to midnight on April 25th alive.
Morbid? Not really. Lets look at it this way. At the end of February, I run my first ever Half Marathon. Then a month later, I run another. Then on April 25th, I run the London Marathon. To train for that one, I was training on Christmas Day. It’s really gonna hurt come April.
(On a side not that you will ignore, I run the marathon for the charity Children with Leukaemia…it is not too late to sponsor me. Make it your resolution to help others…and start with sponsoring me! The links on the right hand side of the site. Or those who get the site feed via email etc, it is HERE. Anyone from any country can sponsor me using any currency. Go on…it’ll make you feel good! Or think of it as your way of saying thank you for the time and effort and cost that goes in to running this site. You aren’t going to are you. *sniff*)
So happy new year and all that. Be good. And if you can’t be good…welcome to real life. Now. Come on. Lets hear what your resolutions are. Yeah, even you who don’t normally comment.
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