I like Australia. I like the idea that every insect, plant, human and building are trying to kill you. And they have a sort of somewhat “anything goes” attitude to many things.
So when you hire two man to break in to your house with machetes and tie you up and rub you with a broom….of COURSE that makes sense.
Go on…have a read. I can wait. https://news.sky.com/story/pair-hired-for-mans-broom-sexual-fantasy-turn-up-in-bedroom-at-wrong-address-with-machetes-11996365
Are you back? Weird wasn’t it. They broke in to the wrong home and woke up somebody very much NOT expecting it. Apologised and left. And THAT is Australia. Where you can break in to somebodys home, say “Sorry mate…” and leave.
But you know this post doesnt end there.
I am not what you would call vanilla in the bedroom. Oh no. I am more Horse Flesh flavoured. I dont want men with machetes. How weak is that! Give me women dressed in cow onesies holding expensive shampoo wake me up and demand I service their every need. Women demanding I take them to Switzerland. Or to help with the washing up. Or even if I am feeling really depraved, to take the trash out in nothing but a three piece suit…with pocket watch.
And I never want to go back to the time where my girlfriend at the time was so quiet in bed that I was trying to work out if I was that bad…or she was actually dead. Nope it was neither. She “didnt want to wake up the neighbours”.
We were in a detached house. I was single a short while later.
wheelturninghamsterdead.com 