Category Archives: General Madness

I feel far too many posts have been about me and that goddamn marathon recently.  For that, I apologise.  So.  Back to the crazy we go. It has always been said that the Germans are a little on the crazy side.  When I say “It has always been said”, I actually mean “I am makingContinue reading “Stop meowing and say something original.”

I am alive!  The marathon didn’t kill me.  My date of death has been put back to…I dunno…when my heart stops?  So instead of telling you about how I died, lets just talk about a fun day. By fun, I mean a day where death seemed like the way forward! It started as many do. Continue reading “Any chance I can use that to grease myself up?”

Well, it is almost time for me to leave this mortal coil. No, I am not on death row, nor am I awaiting my uber dose of “man pills” to come through the post so I can be buried in a tent after having a heart attack during the 19th time in a row withContinue reading “Date of Death – April 25th 2010”

Back at around Christmas time, I got up from my nightly slumber and wandered in to the bathroom for my morning ritual of…well..it doesn’t matter.  But lets just say it involves a paint brush, dental floss, a copy of Hello magazine and some ginger nut biscuits.  After finishing my ritual, and being a little thirstyContinue reading “Put the baster away, this turkey is already cooked baby.”

A few days back, I attended a funeral.  Not the first one I have been to…and being that I am still alive, certainly not the last one I will go to.  Every cloud and all that. On the drive home, I did some reflecting (I was too busy listening to the music during the funeralContinue reading “He enjoyed eating cheese and wearing clothes”

Wow.  Almost a month since my last post.  In my defence, I have been busy. Just last week for instance, I realised I needed to cut my toenails, so I did that.  And then shave my armpits, chest, legs, arms…actually, I should probably mention that I have had a sex change.  I am now a female goatContinue reading “Stick a pin in me…i’m about ready to explode.”

Men…women lie to us.  Yes I know.  I was as just as surprised as you are when I found out.  Now I have your attention, I shall tell you what they have been lying about.  This time. You know how women always say “Wow, you are SO crap in bed!  The last time I wasContinue reading “Your lies do not make my tail wag.”

Well.  Here we are.  2010. Yeah that is enough about that.  Lets be honest.  It is a new year, but what has changed?  My underwear sure hasn’t.  Yeah sure, the itching it starting to get a little annoying like last year, but it will pass. Instead of talking about what may be ahead, I needContinue reading “My soul is packing it’s bags and leaving”

Well.  Thank christ that is over.  I hate Christmas.  I mean really…think about what I have to go through.  All the meaningless crap.  The worthless TV.  All the hard work.  For me, this is: I get up early and go and get my daughter from her cot.  My wife made us all a breakfast soContinue reading “A year in 500 words…or more. Or less.”

I had a slight problem over Christmas.  With my car.  It wasn’t, for a better word, behaving so well.   For a not so better word, it was being a complete git.  You see, last year it went through a phase where the key would not turn in the ignition barrel.  Like the steering lockContinue reading “You would think treating them rough would keep them keen.”